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In Relationships : Do you Add or Subtract?

Posted on Jan 21, 2015 by in Leadership | 1 comment

In relationships : do you add or subtract?  Today’s blog post comes from several interactions I’ve had recently where people have commented both negatively and positively on my business methods.  OK, maybe business methods isn’t the right statement, honestly, it is difficult to separate my business and personal styles.  For better or worse (as they say) to me they are one in the same.  If you meet me in a meeting, see me speak, read my blog, do business with me, have a drink with me, or watch me coach my daughter’s basketball team, you will notice one simple thing: I am always the same.

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So, do you add or subtract, where did I start with you?  This question is an important one!  Before you answer it let me explain: when you first meet someone do they start at 100% and you subtract or are they at 0% and you add.  This is not a right or wrong type question, it is really a style question.

With me, everyone’s at 100%.  I don’t really care what someone tells me about you, or I read about you, or honestly what you even tell me about yourself.  I start at 100% and subtract.

I have seen both styles work successfully.  Again, it is not right or wrong, it is style.  My personal style of relationship building is extremely personal and trusting, with me, everyone starts at 100% then I start subtracting.  There are admittedly pros and cons to both styles – on a personal note, an investor in New York once conducted a pshycological profile on me (I failed the test) and it came back with one really big concern.  The profile said I had a “warm, trusting, almost politician like feel”, then went on to state the biggest concern for them, “you can meet with Allen, leave, say to yourself, that meeting went perfect, he loves me, and right after you leave, I say, that meeting was terrible, I never want to meet that person again”.

I don’t view my style as a bad thing, I love that everyone starts at 100%, regardless of what that profile test said, I am going to keep making people feel important, listen to them, do what I say, and be a good team member, it has worked so far.

1 Comment

  1. Or do you multiply? ….I am sure there are folks who have built up so much equity with you that you could subtract for years and still be 100%+ based on the shaping effect they have had.

    I appreciate the ‘sameness’ style far more. Bring work home. Bring home to work. Its mo better.

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